Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Randomize
