And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
