So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
