i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
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