last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
