Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
