I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a burrito and a hug.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
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when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
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