Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
