I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Randomize
