dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
My breasts were aching with rage.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
