Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
