So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
