So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
