On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
