the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
