We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I'm always down for nudity.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
