the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize