You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
