I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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