Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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