The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
