UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
