i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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