Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
