I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
