Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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