First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
