so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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