So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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