i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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