i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
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I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
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Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
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