You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
