sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
