Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
