Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
