What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
