Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
