quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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