Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
