youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
