it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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