i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
