Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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