If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
