He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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