the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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