I like my sex mixed with concussions.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
