i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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