I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes