i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
you would pick up someone in the library
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I'm at about main and main street
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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