i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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