porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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