I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
