You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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