We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize