i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
