You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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