Porn is love you can see.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
