Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
