at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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