jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
