You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
