Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
