at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
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