to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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