you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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