You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Randomize
