I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
