Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
4 words: hood of his car
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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