Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
