I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
There r osticjed everywhere
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
My ass is underappreciated
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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