I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
