Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Success! We fucked roommates!
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
